It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize