I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize