yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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