My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
