1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
