my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
