Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize