At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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