Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
