saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
