i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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