In the future we'll all be gay
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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