I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
