it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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