What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
My dick has a subreddit
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
