I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
