If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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