Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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