Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
