weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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