sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
this hospital has no fireball
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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