I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
