I need to stop coming to work sober
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Someone came in the potted fern
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
