he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Randomize
