i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
