yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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