i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
