Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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