I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Can you bring me the toilet please
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
