i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Randomize
