YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
