Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
