you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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