It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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