while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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