Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
