i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
