I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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