Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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