my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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