it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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