and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Randomize
