he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
