Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
