I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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