babies were throwing up all over the place
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
