so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
