i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Randomize
