I forgot how hot balto sounded
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
