If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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