don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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