Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
