Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
The air was thick with penises
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
