Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Randomize
