I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize