k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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