new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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