At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
