i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
