No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Randomize
