Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Randomize
