then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
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