Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
