I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Randomize
