Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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