you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
