I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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