3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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