well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize