Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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