This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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