apparently the secret to your success is patron
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Randomize
