i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
