My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
