1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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