At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
