Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
